Drowning in Guilt...

Author's Note:
Sorry it took so long to post another episode. I hate to be a month behind but real life just kept getting in the way of dolly time. Hope you all enjoy the new episode. And hopefully I can be on time for the next one..

Luke sits for several hours and waits by her side. 

Rufus stirs awake, sensing the presence of another person. Her throat is dry and her body aches all over. She reaches out, making sure she is not dreaming...

 *Rufus* "Luke?..."

She taps his elbow, and Luke jumps up...her voice so weak 

that he didn't even hear her speak his name. 

*Luke* "Hey....how are you feeling?"

*Rufus croaks* "Like I've been hit by a truck...Oh No! Ruby!! Did Cade?!"
*Luke* "No....She's fine, she is with Margaret..."
Rufus smiles lazily at him, the effects of the anesthesia 
still slightly fogging her train of thought.

*Rufus* "I'm glad you're here...I have something to tell you."
But Luke already knows what she is about to say, Rufus just hasn't realized it yet...Luke also knows she is gonna panic the second she realizes she's not pregnant anymore.  
*Luke* "Ru...I..."
As Luke tries to speak she runs her hands across her belly, where only hours ago she was pregnant with his child, and just as he expected she panics...

*Rufus* "My baby! What happened?! Where's my baby!"

She tries to push the blankets down, and her gown up, 
so she can see her belly. 
Luke stops her, grabbing her hands, she looks up at him.

*Rufus* "I was pregnant with your baby, Luke. Where's our baby?!"

*Luke* "Ru....I don't think the universe wants the two of us having children together..."
*Rufus cries out* "What?! NO! NO! This was our second chance!..."

Rufus tries to get up...but Luke is ready and 
stops her from sitting up.
*Rufus* "I want to see my baby! They're wrong! Let me see my baby!

*Luke* "Ru, calm down, the doctors did everything they could..."

*Rufus still crying* "No! Noooo! I don't believe you!..."
She turns her head to the door, she wants to get up, 
she wants answers, she wants her baby.

*Rufus sobbing* "Where's our baby! Get the nurse, I want to see our baby!"

*Luke* "Ru, you need to calm down, your baby is gone, the doctors did everything they could." 

Rufus becomes even more upset, by his words "your baby" not even acknowledging the child was his.

*Rufus pushes him back* "You asshole! That was our baby and you can't even say it!"
More tears flow as her mind becomes sharper and 
she begins to remember.
*Rufus* "This is all your fault! I wouldn't be here if you hadn't called Cade, and I wouldn't have lost our baby! Just say it!....You can't, can you? You're probably happy about this!"

*Luke* "Ru...I...I'm sorry that this all happened, but you know that night was a mistake."

*Rufus pushing him back* "Just. Get. Out!...Get away from me!"
Just then the nurse comes in, after the alarms went off at the nurses desk. She has come to check in to make sure Rufus is okay.

*Nurse* "What's going on?! Her heart rate just shot up..."
*Luke* "She's hysterical...she just found out about the baby."
 The nurse walks over to Rufus' other bedside. Checking her IV, increasing her meds slightly, to induce sleep.

*Nurse* "There that should help...Now Ms. Walker, I need you to relax."
Rufus pays no attention to the nurse, she turns to look at Luke.
*Rufus* "You insensitive son of a bitch! I'm not hysterical! I want my baby! Our baby! 
Go get the doctor!" 

Luke tries to grab her hand and to console her, but she's angry and once she's angry, Luke knows it's hard to calm her down.

*Luke* "I'm trying to help you here...you need to rest, the baby is gone Ru, the 
doctors did all they could to save him."
She yanks her hand away from his, if it's one thing she hates,
it's being treated in a condescending tone.

*Rufus pointing to the door* "Get out! Now!..."
*Nurse* "I think it's best you go, she needs to rest."
 Luke throws up his hands in defeat and walks towards to door...  
*Nurse* "You need to rest now..."

 *Rufus* "Did he say him? My baby is a boy?"
The nurse smiles a bit and nods.
 *Nurse* "Yes, but you need to rest right now."
*Rufus* "I want my baby! I want to see him!..."
*Nurse* "Ms. Walker, you need to rest, your body has been through a lot."

*Rufus* "Don't call me that!..My name is Rufus."
*Nurse* "I'm sorry, Rufus..."
*Rufus* "Better. Now get me my baby!"
*Nurse* "You can talk to Dr. Mangus after you've woken up."
*Rufus* "But I'm not sleepy..."

*Rufus continues to protest* "I...I..want....to...see."
Then she drifts away, falling back asleep.
As Luke walked down the corridor back to the waiting room he could hear, Rufus' shouting demands to the nurse. Shaking his head, he now wonders if it was a good idea ever showing up at the hospital. The nurse at the desk looks up and sees him coming down the hall.

*Nurse* "If you're leaving you need to sign out. Visiting hours resume again tomorrow at 9am..."
*Luke mumbles* "F*ck that...."
*Nurse* "What was that?"
Luke walks around to the window.

*Luke* "Nothing...Where do I sign out?"
She hands him the clipboard, and finds Hayden's handwriting with his name where he signed him in hours ago at 11:23pm.

*Luke* "What time is it?"
*Nurse* "It's 1:42 am..."
Luke scribbles the time on the clipboard and signs it.
*Luke* "There, is that it?.."

 *Nurse* "Yes, thank you...I was just wondering..."
*Luke thinks to himself* "Great now she's gonna hit on me, it's the middle of the f*cking night, and I probably look like sh*t but here we go..."
*Luke* "What?..."
*Nurse* "Are you her husband?"
*Luke* "Who? Rufus? Um...No. She's not my wife."

*Nurse* "Oh! I just assumed since you have a wedding band. Sorry..."
*Luke* "It's okay...we're just old friends."...*He attempts to smile*..."Goodnight."
*Nurse smiling back* "Goodnight..."
But the personal question only, pulls Luke further down into his pool of guilt. His thoughts go back to Laura and how he left her hanging because he couldn't leave things alone. Then Luke turns around to face Margaret who is sitting on the couch next to a dozing Ruby. Margaret can see he's upset, worried, tired, and lost on what to do. 

*Luke sighs* "I'm outta here...It's late."
*Margaret* "I take it, it didn't go well..."
*Luke* "Um...No it didn't. She's in denial, and angry as well.
 Demanding to see the baby."

*Margaret* "I don't blame her, Luke. Loosing a baby is very traumatic, especially after everything she has been through. And I'm sure it's hurting her even more because the baby was yours. 
You're not denying that are you?"

 *Luke* "No...no. I'm not denying it. But I'm not admitting to it either. I don't know 
for sure if the baby was mine.
 *Margaret* "Well I guess we'll know for sure if they run a DNA test."

 *Luke shrugs his shoulders* "Yeah..."
*Margaret* "Listen...You came and made sure she was okay, now let me handle Rufus. 
Being with Ruby will help her heal..."

*Margaret continues* "And as soon as she is well enough to travel, we're going home to LA."
*Luke* "I just feel so guilty about all of this, I feel bad, I don't think Cade would have came after her again if I hadn't...." 
 *Margaret stops him* "What Cade did is not your fault. He's a bad man, Luke. He's been angry with Rufus for a long time. Who knows, he may have come after her no matter what, whether she was here or still in LA."

*Luke* "I just hadn't realized how much he'd gone off the deep end

 till it was too late...."
*Margaret* "Just don't beat yourself up about it. You have other things to deal with..."
 *Luke* "Yeah, I better go...It's late and I'm hoping I can still be forgiven." 
*Margaret smiles* "I hope so too, Goodnight, Luke...And drive safe."
*Luke* "Goodnight, Margaret."  
So, Luke leaves the hospital and drives home, hoping that he can still smooth things over with Laura, but when he sees Krystal's car and Michelle's car, he decides to let it be. He heads for Peter's apartment instead, and crashes on his couch.
 
 He doesn't sleep well, the nightmare that is now his life, keeps coming to haunt him in his dreams. He tosses and turns on the tiny couch, trying to get comfortable, wishing he was in his own bed.
 
 By early morning, he finally falls asleep, but his dreams still taunt him in his sleep. Too tired to wake from them he sleeps through till late afternoon. He sits up and figures he better get up and go to work, he needs to stay busy and work can't be ignored.

Back at the hospital, Rufus also wakes from her sleep, the effects of the anesthesia have now fully worn off and she feels less cloudy in her head and thoughts.

After demanding again, Rufus finally gets her way. The nurse brings in the stillborn baby. Margaret stands by Rufus' side and the nurse takes Ruby so they can be alone.

*Nurse* "Let's go check out the nurses desk..."
*Ruby* "Okay..."
The nurse closes the door behind her and heads down the hall with Ruby. Rufus looks down at her baby. He looks like baby, almost but not quite, still so tiny, his features still didn't have a chance to fully develop.

Tears pool in her eyes, her chance at happiness with Luke 
yanked away again...
*Rufus* I think he looks like Luke..."
*Margaret* "You think so? I think it's kinda hard to tell..."
*Rufus* "I know you have your doubts, Margaret but this baby is his and damn
him for not admitting it!"
Rufus pulls her still, small child up closer to her,
tears falling faster

 *Rufus* "Now we'll never be a family!
 This was my chance at being happy...He was my chance, and
that animal, Cade! He stole it from me!"

*Margaret* "I'm sorry you're going through this again, but do you really think,
 that this baby would have changed things between you and Luke?"
*Rufus* "He would have gave me a fighting chance..."

*Margaret* "Rufus, Sweetie...I really think you need to let Luke go."
*Rufus* "I....I don't know..."
*Margaret* "Yes, you do. You start by saying goodbye to this beautiful, tiny baby..."

Rufus buries her head against Margaret's shoulder, tears start flowing again, she knows Margaret is right. She needs to let go of it all and move on. She needs to let go of Luke and the idea that they will ever be a family.
*Rufus* "I just want my fairytale ending... My happily ever after."

*Margaret* "I'm sure you will one day, right now you need to

 focus on yourself and getting better."

Then a deep, soothing voice breaks the quiet somber moment.

*Dr Mangus* "She's right, you need to take care of yourself, you've been through a whole lot and I'm hoping that you find yourself making music again. I'm a big fan of yours."

Rufus looks up at the tall handsome doctor,

 who is smiling down at her.

*Margaret* "Rufus dear, this is Dr. Mangus, he is the one who performed your surgery."
*Rufus a little speechless* "H..h..hi...Dr. Mangus..."
*Dr. Mangus* "Please, call me Remi..."

************************************

Remi speaking to the camera.

(Remi: What? Luke and Peter can't be the only "hotties" on this broadcast. Me. I'm educated. Smart. Handsome. And I know mouth to mouth resuscitation...) *wink wink*

Now back to the show
^~^

*************************************

*Rufus still speechless* "Oh...okay."
*Remi* "Only if it makes you more comfortable...you're gonna be seeing a lot
of me until you fly back home."
*Remi* "I just wanna say, I'm sorry for your loss..."

*Remi continues* "I did everything I could to save the both of you...but in the end, we lost him.  I hate to lose someone on my operating table but I'm glad to see you are doing well. Do you have any questions or anything you want to ask me?"
*Rufus still speechless* "Thank you...Um...I...uh..."
*Remi* "No , worries. If you do, just have the nurse page me."
 Then the nurse comes back in the room, to retrieve the baby. While Margaret greets Ruby and they talk about what she saw
 at the nurses' desk.

 Rufus lays back down, she's still tired from all that has transpired, but before she can fall back asleep, Dr. Remi Mangus would like to look over his handy work.
The nurse comes back in to assist the doctor, while Margaret and Ruby say goodbye to Rufus. Ruby is hungry and it's past lunchtime so they plan to be back later to visit for a little while.

*Ruby* "Bye, bye....Mommy!...I wuv you..."
*Rufus* "I love you too, Pumpkin...see you in a little while."
*Margaret* "Get your rest, we'll be back around dinnertime."

*Margaret continues* "And remember what I said, 
you need to let this all go and start fresh."
*Rufus* "I know, Margaret...Thank you."
 Margaret and Ruby leave, while Dr. Mangus and the nurse 
each flank Rufus' bedsides. The nurse assists while he takes 
her vitals and checks on her bruises and sutures.

*Remi* "Everything sounds and looks good, as I expected...Let's check on you c section.
 Margaret told me Ruby was born by c section."
*Rufus* "Yes, she was..."
*Remi* "How is you pain overall?"
*Rufus* "I'm pretty numb still...stiff feeling mostly."

Remi nods his head agreeing with her assessment of how
 she feels at the moment. He speaks to the nurse using medical jargon and she taps the info into the iPad. Then he pulls the covers back up, because we all know how cold you get laying a hospital bed, and looks at Rufus.

*Remi* "You're recovering as to be expected. Now you just need to rest and continue to heal. Later after dinner, Dr Paige will be here, to introduce herself she is the head psychiatrist. You've been through a lot not just physically but mentally as well."
 *Rufus* "Um...Okay..."
The nurse shuts down the main lights leaving it more relaxing for sleep. She heads to the door and Remi is about to follow.

*Rufus* "Um....Remi...I mean Dr. Mangus..."
He stops and turns around.
*Rufus* "Thank you, for letting me say goodbye to my baby." *Remi* "Of course...It's important to have closure and be able to move on...."
*He smiles brightly at her* ...."You're a brave woman, Rufus."
Then he turns, closing the door behind them. Rufus closes her eyes and concentrates on the last few 
words he spoke to her.

He is right she is a brave woman, but she has done a lot of stupid things. Margaret is also right, she needs to focus on herself and Ruby. She needs to accept she needs help and that her and Luke will never be together. She needs to accept that, that night with him was a mistake and that the whole plan to come down here and come after him was a mistake. She drifts off to sleep hoping she has the will power to feel this way when she wakes up, inspired and motivated to get on with her life and start over.

The End! 
For now...
^_^

Also Michelle and Benjamin have set a wedding date! 
Here is the official announcement.

Thanks for reading and stoppin' by!